The “Silent Majority” in Breast Cancer Land.
I remember the first time I was in a room of people who didn't know I had had cancer.
A couple of years after my diagnosis and treatment I joined a public speaking group called Toastmasters.
My hair was long again and I knew no one in the group from any other part of my life so there were no visible signs of what I had been through.
No one knew anything about me except what I chose to share.
My first few meetings I simply listened and watched and learned how things worked.
I finally got the courage up to give my “ice breaker” speech and it started with “I've got a secret that no one in this room knows…”
I surveyed the faces in the room as their interest was piqued.
I knew that as soon as I finished my talk no one would look at me the same again.
It's not often that I find myself in anonymity of my breast cancer experience.
I live mine very publicly for many reasons but those few weeks of just being a perceived “regular person” were a little intoxicating.
During that speech I outed myself as a breast cancer survivor and I could literally see expressions around the room change as each individual brought their own perception of a breast cancer experience to my identity and life.
I'm not sorry I shared my truth but it did give me a taste of what it might be like to be a part of what I call the “silent majority” in breast cancer survivorship.
So who is this silent majority?
They are the millions of women living in breast cancer survivorship that aren't the ones you likely know about.
Let's talk about the ones who aren't talking about breast cancer…
Millions of women living in survivorship prefer to keep their experience to themselves for the most part.
The silent majority of breast cancer survivorship.
According to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, “There are more than 4 million breast cancer survivors in the United States, including women still being treated and those who have completed treatment.”
FOUR MILLION PEOPLE!
The marketing campaigns and social media feeds of October (and some year round) would have you believe that every person who undergoes a breast cancer diagnosis comes out on the other side a smiling, loud, proud advocate for awareness and survivorship.
I can tell you personally that this is simply not true.
In fact, out of these four million it is undoubtedly a very small percentage of folks who take up public advocacy or share their story for the world to know.
Being a part of the silent majority doesn't mean that you deny or ignore your breast cancer experience all together.
It means that you will likely go on trying to live your best life just like you were before.
For you breast cancer becomes a piece of your story not the foundation.
And this is totally ok.
The way you live and share your experience is as unique as you yourself.
A Susan G. Komen event shows a sea of pink tshirts, hats, and flags identifying survivors who choose to live breast cancer out loud.
100 different individuals = 100 different experiences.
For years I have tried to focus on the individuals behind a breast cancer diagnosis and not just the disease itself.
One of my favorite sayings is “You can have 100 different people with the exact same diagnosis and exact same treatment protocol and you still have 100 unique breast cancer experiences”.
Who we are before our diagnosis, the way we live and share our lives, doesn't necessarily change once cancer comes calling.
Do you prefer to keep your private life private?
Do tend to absorb more than you share on social media?
Are you typically a more reserved person when it comes to your daily life?
If so there is a good chance these things aren't going to change just because you are diagnosed with breast cancer.
Who we are fundamentally plays a large part in how we live with the impacts of our breast cancer experience.
But what are some other reasons one might choose to stay “silent” when it comes to their breast cancer experience?
Every unique person has a unique breast cancer experience and not everyone wants to talk about it.
Breast cancer is traumatic and life-altering.
Despite the pictures that we often see of smiling pink-clad women or the symbols of strength and perseverance like boxing gloves and the words “warrior” and “fight”, at its core breast cancer is a deeply traumatic and life-altering experience.
Here are some truths about breast cancer that aren't always represented in what we see in the marketing of breast cancer, especially during Breast Cancer Awareness Month:
A cancer diagnosis can take away all trust and safety in your body leaving you feeling vulnerable and at odds with yourself.
Surgery and treatment can drastically alter the physical form you've always known and make it hard to find self-acceptance or self-love.
Long term side effects often include chronic pain, anxiety, sexual disfunction, lymphedema, and other debilitating challenges that affect the way we operate in our relationships and day to day tasks.
Fear of recurrence and death can interfere with your ability to enjoy the life you have now and create increased anxiety and depression.
Given these truths it's not that hard to imagine why some prefer to limit their exposure to all things cancer.
I remember when my mom was in her first few years of survivorship she agreed to be a peer mentor for those newly diagnosed through her oncologist.
Having to repeatedly witness the fear and pain in others that she wasn't so far removed from herself took its toll.
And as she began to lose those in her circle who died from metastatic disease, she eventually chose to step back from this role so that she could preserve her own mental health for herself and her family.
And I am so proud of her that she was able to make that choice.
So many people I meet struggle with being constantly confronted with what they've been through.
They aren't able to look ahead to the future while watching others lose theirs.
They don't want to mentally remain in a time and place that has felt like the worst time of their lives.
They don't want to sit in support groups and manage others' pain while trying to navigate their own.
I have friends now who I tell to “unfollow” me because I know that my constant talk about breast cancer can be just too much for how they process and thrive.
There is no shame in protecting yourself if that is what you need to do.
And what about when self-empowerment becomes a form of self-preservation?
Dealing with the trauma of breast cancer can cause many people to try to put it behind them rather than keep it at the forefront of their lives.
Moving forward with life beyond cancer.
For some it's less about fear and more about what comes next.
Whether you call it getting back to life, finding your new normal, or just moving on, some people find it easier to focus on life ahead when not focusing on their cancer experience.
My younger clients who have active careers and busy families jump back into school schedules and work trips as soon as they are able.
If recovery goes well and the side effects start to fade they return to activities that light them up and make them feel strong and healthy.
Focusing on all of the things that make them feel like themselves is an opportunity to let the challenges of cancer take a backseat to what feels most important.
I wil say it's probably easier to do this when one is lucky enough to be declared cancer-free, NED, or in remission (whatever you like to call it) but it's even true of some of I've met living with metastatic disease.
Cancer always wants to be at the forefront of our minds.
It's one of the ways it takes more from us than just our breasts.
But for those who stop giving it the attention it so greedily wants they are able to take back the power they may have previously lost with their diagnosis.
Again, it doesn't mean ignoring your cancer experience or the challenges it brings but for some it's a way of tipping the scales in how much space cancer takes up in their lives.
Additionally these folks often search for ways to care for their bodies that create strong feelings of self-reliance and independence.
This is a legitimate form of self-preservation and empowerment that I enthusiastically applaud.
Regardless of why you may choose to live your experience more quietly than others, it is your absolute prerogative to do so.
Focusing on the non-cancer aspects of life helps some move forward with more hope and self-confidence.
There is no right or wrong way to live this experience.
The bottom line, whether you are public or private, an advocate for others or just trying to keep yourself afloat, there is no right or wrong way to be when it comes to living in beast cancer survivorship.
And just like I shared in my newsletter about accepting change a couple of weeks ago, it is perfectly ok for the way you live and and share your experience to evolve as you do.
I've said it before and I'll say it 1000 more times:
“We all get to live this experience in whatever way is right for us.”
Or as the kids say these days, “you do you, boo".
Your life, your story, your choices.
How I can support you:
Support comes in many forms and not everyone is looking for individualized or one-to-one guidance in their recovery and healing efforts.
If you are one of the silent majority looking for ways to be independently empowered in your recovery, healing, and survivorship I've got ways to help.
I created my “Brush to Body: Dry Brushing for Breast Cancer" Workshop for people just like you!
This one hour pre-recorded workshop helps you understand:
the importance of your lymphatic system
how a breast cancer experience damages it
the long term risks associated like chronic lymphedema
and most importantly, how to use dry brushing as a self-care tool to work with and support your body around these issues
I walk you through the details of:
how YOUR diagnosis and treatments affect your lymphatic system
how to choose the right brush(es) for YOU and your needs
how to use your brush safely and effectively
how to use dry brushing to deepen your mind-body connection
Ready to learn more and see if dry brushing could be right for you?
Click the button and get all of the details!
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